Last month I visited the Keg restaurant on Yonge Street just south of Eglinton. The young servers, smartly uniformed, immediately noticed me. I did not have to wait.  Soft music playing, everything quite impressive, and the service was excellent. My server was Megan.  She took time to explain the different entries.  She started with “if I may” – to help me decide what to eat. When I finally selected my...

Baggage claim I just came back from Europe and this is what I observed: People are polite; lady always walks on a gentleman’s right; gentleman always steps down from the bus and helps lady down; gentleman always goes into a restaurant first; but when it comes to picking up the baggage at the airport, gee, wherever I go, it seems to be the same behaviour. When standing in line for your luggage, you can be civilized, queuing up as the...

To be the Best Why do you always have to be the best? Have you ever thought that you can be second best somewhere and still do well? This person may only be best at this particular thing, while you do best at so many other endeavours. Allow others to shine here and there; it will not take away from you. What people are saying: totally agree! We all need to be more tolerant and show kindness towards...

New Year’s Resolution Forget trying to lose the 5 pounds. What do you really wish to accomplish this year? Can you talk to your friends with more understanding? Can you allow yourself to not openly judge them when somebody thinks slower than you do? Can you tolerate people around you with kindness? This should be your desire to be a better person in 2023. It certainly needs to be my etiquette lesson for the...

Christmas is the time of giving This is the third time in six years that I stress the same: Give a bit of your heart, your time, your energy, your touch, your love. Merry Christmas Upcoming Workshops? Kidiquette Ages 9 to 12 Workshops run from 10 a.m. to 12 noon Sunday, December 11 Saturday, January 7 100 Dowling Avenue, Toronto $40; $70 for two students Teen etiquette workshop Ages 13 to...

(This poem is written from the perspective of the Queen) Philip came to me today, and said it was time to go. I looked at him and smiled, as I whispered that “I know” I then turned and looked behind me, and saw I was asleep. All my Family were around me, and I could hear them weep, I gently touched each shoulder, with Philip by my side. Then I turned away and walked, with My...

Identify yourself I had the most ridiculous phone call a few days ago. A woman called, she did not leave her name, and she said her phone number will ‘pop up’ and if I could return her call.  Well, seven phone numbers popped up, two of which I knew, two spam calls, and that leaves three unidentified calls that ’popped up’ from which I should choose all three I suppose. Really – please especially if you want to have...

Acknowledge a job well done Giving a compliment is not easy.  I usually ask for the complaint department, and end up speaking with the boss.  I let him know how his employee was great and that the person is a keeper.  You have no idea how much people thank me.  The boss says he hears the complaints fast enough but hardly ever an acknowledgement for a job well done. My clients often write to me and thank me for...

Your first five words on the phone should be:Hello, this is FULL NAME. When I pick up the phone, the display reads ‘Unknown name’. People start talking about this and that and I have no idea to whom I am talking. When I politely say: “I don’t know whom I am talking to”, I often get an indignant answer like “Oh, it’s Susan”, or “Oh, it’s Gail”. Now I am going through my list of Susans and Gails with no reference of...

In 1956, as a child, I fled from the Russians during the Hungarian revolution. That was like a David and Goliath situation. I know what the Russian regime is capable of. One of my marketing team members is Ukrainian; I wrote to him the first day offering my heartfelt empathy. However, Tchaikovsky was just as good then as he is now, the Russian people are just as warm-hearted as they were three weeks ago, and walking out during a...

My daughter, who lives at the top of the Niagara escarpment, asked me to look after their dog – a young, black Puli – for the weekend while the family went up north. Here I am in total solitude, quiet, neither radio nor television telling me how many fully vaccinated people have been admitted to which hospital each hour; just cold, fresh air, snow blowing gently, Lake Ontario in the distance. In this stillness I am getting...

Before you visit family by Zoom this Christmas, let me give you a few etiquette pointers: Close the windows and turn off the radio – it may not disturb you, but it will disturb others.Place yourself in the middle of the screen, and look presentable. Uncombed hair is uncombed hair, whether in real life or on screen.Keep yourself muted unless you are speaking to the group.Don’t pick your nose; others can indeed see it.An...

Early bird catches the worm! The speed with which you answer says a lot about you. If I sit at the computer and an e-mail comes in, and the sender gets a response within minutes, I am sure they start with: “thank you so much for your prompt reply”. Same goes for an answering machine. Don’t say: “I will call you back at my first convenience”, just return the call as soon as you can. People whom I respect...

Now that school is starting, let’s look at this lovely four-minute video where children are taught from an early age how to express thankfulness and how to be polite [Children’s Etiquette]. Upcoming Workshops Kidiquette Teen Etiquette Adult Etiquette What People Are Saying Good topic to speak on. I’ve been to many buffet lunches/and dinners and have seen that act out at all of them. People just...

Now that we can travel, I thought I would share this with you. The writer (not from Canada) invited her elderly parents to an all-inclusive resort in Cyprus. Hear her complaints. Let’s talk about the hotel patrons eating at their restaurant…. Taking all the food that’s out there to their tables, and leaving it untouched or just touched, but not even half finished. C’mon people… how can you eat a dozen baklavas? Of course...

What to do when your suggestion is not wanted. As I have written before, my pet peeve is the popular expression “no problem”. The ear hears “problem”. A few days ago my colleague and I went to a lovely little place on Brock Street. You can sit outside and enjoy the weather, and watch cars roll through the stop sign. The pretty woman behind the counter was the same age as my eldest grandchild and had a fairly...

My dear Readers: There were so many comments that I decided to make this newsletter into Zoom Etiquette – Part II. When on Zoom, the Zoom event manager has the possibility to allow an insertion of an electronic background, like a scenic photograph or if one has a “blank” – say white photo, that can be inserted and thus avoid “noise” coming from the real home environment.– Geza Very good newsletter, my friend! You...

Being on Zoom is like being on stage. Make sure your audience can see you. Ensure that you are using proper lighting and a simple uncluttered background to avoid distractions. Present yourself as you would in person, with good grooming and clothing suitable for the subject (business or casual). Sit straight in front of the computer, don’t slouch. Maintain eye contact with your virtual audience. If you prepared any paperwork, graphs...

Advent is a time to slow down in the midst of what today’s world has turned into a busy commercial season. Make a list to whom to write a card. It may be the only Christmas card they will receive this year. Send them right away as it is already the second week of Advent. Make a list of whom to phone and call one person each day. By Christmas Eve you will have called at least ten people. It will make you feel good and make them feel...

My elder daughter lives in New Jersey. Since I can’t visit, I decided to send her flowers for her birthday. Easy you say? I wanted her to receive a bouquet of red and white roses with baby’s breath, or red and white carnations with baby’s breath. So I called an international florist. “Oh no, we can’t do that. It has to be either…” Then the person on the phone came up with five different choices. I told...

In a previous newsletter, I asked that you show your face by taking your hair off your face so that we can see you. This time I would like to mention how you look on LinkedIn, Facebook, plus the real-time meetings on Zoom, FaceTime and WhatsApp. I find it disheartening to receive a message from you when, in the picture, I see your spouse, your child, your dog, with you in the background somewhere. Please do not diminish yourself. Value...

We talked several times about customer service. Let’s see it from the other side. If you frequent a place and the staff does not even recognize you, you feel that it is not worth the effort to support the organization. Let me mention three restaurants who know how to appreciate repeat customers. I often take my clients to a great dim sum place in Toronto, the Dim Sum King. It is located at 421 Dundas Street West, just east of...

A week ago my friend Carole and I drove to Tim Horton’s. The drive-through line was full, so we waited on a side street until we could pull in. An SUV coming down the street suddenly turned into the line, cutting in front of us. In all fairness, the driver probably did not realize that on the other side of the street was the line-up. I am a defensive driver and never get upset about anybody driving any which way – it is just not...

I had the opportunity of being invited last month to two concerts in Budapest. Here are a few differences I noticed in concert experiences in Europe vs. Canada. Everybody was dressed up; I don’t think I saw one pair of jeans. Everybody behaved in a well mannered way. Nobody, but absolutely nobody stood up until the last performer was off stage. In Toronto, I have a subscription to the Opera, and here are some things that bother me...

In a world where business is often conducted online or via another non-personal means, there is something to be said about the impact made when meeting face-to-face with a (potential) client. If you have this opportunity, be prepared to demonstrate the authenticity and integrity with which business will be conducted. Here are some tips to help you get ready. Have all your paperwork in the order that you want to present it.Make sure you look...

Warmer weather brings an increase in travel. If you’re planning a Spring getaway or business travel, here are some tips to keep in mind. 1) Make sure you have your passport, visa, paperwork and ticket ready long before due time. Your travel agent can help determine the requirements, or check the government website for the country you are visiting. 2) Money: Canadian dollars are not widely recognized.  Euro and US dollars much more so. ...

Watching TV on both sides of the border I hear one ‘alternate truth’ after the other. Personally, I am amazed how people can remember what they lied about and to whom.  And the truth always comes out, even if years later. Our grade 3 teacher once did the following: In the beginning of class, she asked those who did not do their homework to stand up. I was one of them. She wrote down the five names and then went around checking....

Oh, it’s Christmas again; the atmosphere, the decorations, the aromas, the concerts, the anticipation. Even Canadian Tire and Home Hardware advertize Christmas, the wonderful time of the year. What can I give – you ask – for someone who seemingly has it all. Give them your time, visit an elderly, volunteer at a homeless shelter, call your grandparents, aunts and uncles and cousins, and maybe one person in the family whom you...

If I can’t see your face even though you are in front of me, it is highly unlikely that I will do business with you. It’s a matter of trust. Sunglasses, prescription glasses that go dark, lots of hair in your face, hand in front of your mouth when speaking – I can’t make contact with someone I can’t see. Sunglasses. If you keep your sunglasses on your face and they are so dark that I can’t see your eyes, very bad...

Time is a precious commodity that we often don’t give each other. Call someone who is alone or lonely. Visit an elderly person or ask to take them out. If they need to be home-bound, bring something home-baked. If it’s a relative, bring your photo album and reminisce. If you find yourself alone Christmas Eve or Christmas day, offer your services at a soup kitchen. The organizers will be most appreciative, and it will make you feel good that...

I would like to introduce Jess Bolluyt who interviewed me and a few flight attendants on flying etiquette. This is such a fabulous article, I would like to share it with you. Flight Attendants Reveal the Things They’re Silently Judging You for   Upcoming Workshops Kidiquette Sunday, November 19, 2017 Sunday, November 26, 2017 10 a.m. to 12 noon 100 Dowling Avenue, Toronto $40; $70 for two Teen Etiquette Saturday, December 2, 2017 9...

When something goes wrong, instead of saying “Can you help me?” the dissatisfied and demanding customer just keeps on complaining about the same thing. As part of good customer service, write down what they say so you don’t have to ask again. When you get a word in edgewise, acknowledge the problem. Say, “Let me repeat what I heard you say to make sure I understand this correctly.” Let them know you want to solve their problem...

Take pride in everything you do – if not, ask yourself: why am I doing it? Standing in line for coffee. Long line-up. Finally it is my turn, and instead of serving me, the woman starts to clean up the counter, wet cloth and all, starts a new coffee pot, and totally ignores the last one in the line-up. So I make an executive decision and start walking out. “Can I help you?” “Not any more.” This is a lose-lose. I lost a coffee; she lost...

50 years ago today I arrived to Toronto, Canada. I had been accepted to the University of Toronto, not because I was that good a student, but because the Swedish Baccalaureate was deemed so high worldwide. And then I forgot to go home. I remember the first Good Friday – you had better fill your car with gas on Thursday, because everything, but everything was closed on Good Friday. It was a Christian country, and quite British I might add....

A few words on office parties, charities and comparable events. Do show up Remember that you have to see the same people again on Monday morning Having your spouse/partner accompany you is, of course normal, but, if you are dating, does your date represent you well? Put your phone on ‘silent’, not ‘vibrate’ Watch your alcohol intake and don’t drink on an empty stomach Keep your right hand ‘un-messy’ for handshakes Put only small...

Some time ago Jaimy Ford wrote an article titled “Smartphones are the Real Enemy”. Smartphones, cell phones, Facebook, Twitter are seriously hurting our relationships. If you have lunch with someone, stay focused on the person who bothered coming to spend time with you. It is not just disrespectful, it hurts. It clearly tells that the device is more important than the person with whom you are apparently having lunch. Practice this during the...

A few months ago I had a pre-teen seminar: three students – one Muslim child from Egypt, two Jewish children born in Canada.  We were together all day.  The course included how to enter elegantly, all the way to international etiquette. We learned about the shell fish fork and about toasting, and how to decline alcohol elegantly. They had a blast. Four persons, three major religions. Nobody stepped on each other’s toes, all...

My last newsletter dealt with political correctness (of course, now we say Happy Chinese New Year because that’s what the Chinese celebrate) but oh, not Merry Christmas at Christmas time. My penultimate newsletter dealt with random acts of kindness and I had so many comments for both – I would like to share them with you now. I am also letting you know about my upcoming teen (March 5) and adult (March 19) etiquette workshops in case you...

The definition of Christmas given by the Oxford Dictionary is ‘the annual Christian festival celebrating Christ’s birth, held on December 25 in the Western Church.’ It does not mention ‘holiday tree’ anywhere. Let’s see: Happy Diwali. Happy Kwanza, Happy Hanukah – this is what we wish to people who celebrate whatever they celebrate. We are a multicultural country, and proud of it. Why have we become so...

It is the tiny courtesies: holding the door open for someone, offering to carry, picking up when an elderly drops something – these are the things that might make another person’s day. “We shall never know all the good that a simple smile can do.”– Mother Teresa Random acts of kindness must come from within, but I can steer you in the right direction. Here are my autumn workshops: Kidiquette Saturday, October 24 10 a.m....

In an earlier newsletter I have written about my pet peeve “No problem” to be replaced by “You are welcome”, or “My pleasure”.  This time let’s look at acknowledging people for a job well done. Some of these are adapted from Thank-You Phrases for the Workplace “Thank you for completing the sales report on time” “Wow, you did a great job on the proposal” “I so appreciate...

To be interesting, be interested. Dasha from Lioness Gazette writes: We all appreciate a good stimulating conversation, and we love those people we can talk with and listen to for hours. In fact, we all strive to be like them, to be able to sustain a meaningful conversation and articulate our thoughts. But how do you become an engaging conversationalist? Never stop learning and never lose your inborn curiosity. The art of conversation is about...

Throughout the years we dealt with phone manners, cell phones, what to say, but never what not to say. Here is an e-mail I received from an old friend, a retired nurse: Dear Adeodata, There is a little story I would love to tell you. My first job as a medical secretary (I understand the term ‘secretary’ is now obsolete) was working for a seventy year old doctor in his house which served as a medical office, examining room and waiting...

Some bosses are so great and trustworthy that they make you feel like you can tell them anything. However, as Megan Malugani explains, if you expect to advance in your career you should never utter these statements to your boss: “It’s not my fault.” “I hate working with so-and-so.” “I got trashed last night.” “That can’t be done.” “I don’t know.” “That’s...

The definition of Christmas given by the Oxford Dictionary is ‘the festival of Christ’s birth celebrated by most Christian churches on 25 December, devoted especially to family reunion and jollification’. So, in the minds of most individuals, this whole month of December is devoted to three main activities: shopping and preparing to party; partying and doing more shopping; and then dealing with the effects of shopping and...

Funny we were addressing the back-packs in my last newsletter.  I just got back from Europe, Budapest to be exact, and since the alcohol limit is zero, I took public transport throughout, unless someone gave me a ride or I took a taxi. This is what I have found: Their transportation system, specifically the subway is so much faster and more efficient than ours here in Toronto. They do have some rules, clearly written both at the platform as...

This is a short two-part newsletter. Thought for back-to-school: Your back-pack does not have eyes in the back. I have traveled a lot on street-cars this summer. I can’t believe how many times I have watched people being inconvenienced because of huge bags which people carry on their back. Passengers don’t think of lowering their bags either. And they don’t even realize when their back-pack hits someone shorter in the face. And...

Spiral staircases in medieval castles are running clockwise. This is because all knights used to be right-handed. When the intruding army would climb the stairs they would not be able to use their right hand which was holding the sword because of the difficulties of climbing the stairs. Left-handed knights would have had no troubles, except left-handed people could never become knights because it was assumed that they were descendants of the...

Constant lateness is disrespectful. Let’s see how different conductors handled latecomers for choir rehearsals. Dr. Ouchterlony would make you stand and wait on the side until an appropriate moment, and then say loudly and very politely, “DO sit down”, and you felt absolutely awful for being late. John Tuttle would start on time. 7 pm is 7 pm, not 7:03.  All students learned that; nobody was ever late. The worst is when a...

We have touched on cell phone etiquette a couple of times in the last fifteen years; but this time I would like to share with you an interview clip that Global 3 TV in Toronto aired last month.  I stressed that the moment you pull up your phone, you make the person you are with secondary.  The funniest of course, is when the girl walks into the pool. The interviewer:  Alexandra Abdelwahab The camera man:  Don Curran Here is the link:...

Assuming is never good. Up-sell is:  “would you like fries with that”? Now let’s see a couple of great no-sells: About ten yeas ago, I am walking through the Eaton Centre in Toronto. I had just finished a speech, so I was dressed, manicured, made up. I am coming around a women’s dress store on the second floor, and I am checking out the sale items. As I proceeded further into the store, a clerk said to me “you...

During my great-grandparents’ time you approached someone by knocking on their door. The telephone had not been invented yet. Now we can use snail mail, call the office line, the landline, or the cell phone. We can send e-mail, a text message or use the Blackberry, blueberry, raspberry. At a networking session in Oakville many years ago Donna Messer from ConnectUs mentioned this topic, and Jodi Blackwood, an etiquette teacher from out West...

Jodi Blackwood is an etiquette trainer in Vancouver, USA, and we often exchange thoughts. We both found the answers tricky to a question like “What are you doing on Friday?” One does not want to say “it depends on what you had in mind”. If you say that you are free and then find out what the other one wants, it is quite hard to come up with a quick excuse why you suddenly don’t have time, after all. If you issue...

The simple handshake really is simple, but there are a few rules to follow. If both are of the same sex, wait for the older person to reach his or her hand out first. If they are of opposite sexes, the man should wait for the lady to reach her hand out first. In a business setting, the subordinate should wait for the person in the higher position to reach out first. In most of Europe and North America, people grasp each others’ hand, make...

I am sure we have all made our usual New Year?s resolutions. Yes, yes, this year we shall lose some weight. By the way, how much have you lost since last year? If we all resolved to be kinder with each other, and to ourselves, resolutions would be much easier to keep. Let me tell you about a random act of kindness. It ties in with my last newsletter and your very kind comments. On December 22nd I was lying in bed at the Etobicoke General...

I was at the Bank of Montreal and in big letters a sign said, ?Happy Diwali.? Last year on Rogers TV we were met with greetings of Happy Kwanza ? over and over. And it is fine. If I meet a Jewish client at this time of year, I would wish him Happy Hanukah and he would wish me Merry Christmas. Why have we become so afraid of saying the word Christmas? It is what we are celebrating, isn?t it? Non-Christians get an extra day off for no particular...

Jodi Blackwood, an etiquette teacher in Vancouver, USA, is a lady I correspond with often. I told her that my newsletters are strictly opt-in, while I so often receive unsolicited e-mail. She said she had just written her own newsletter exactly on that subject. I am allowed to forward it to you. Possession does not mean permission. Have you ever exchanged business or contact cards with someone, thinking she might be a good person to follow up...

This month we remember Lincoln Alexander, the 24th Lieutenant Governor of Ontario, who passed away on October...

It is amazing, that when we see an expectant mother, the strangest and most unintentionally impolite things come out of our mouths. Some of the quotes below came from John Daly, President of The Key Class: – Was it planned? – Do you want it? – How long have you been married? – How did he react when you told him you were pregnant? – Were your in-laws pleased? – You’re awfully skinny for someone so far...

There have been a number of issues raised on etiquette and speakers’ chat rooms, and on LinkedIn regarding people constantly clearing their throats. Several suggested that it may be simply a bad habit or nervousness, and that the person does not even notice. Listening to it of course is quite irritating, especially if you clear your throat on the phone, right into the listener’s ear. There were people who swore by some medication,...